I Would Date Her
by volcanoes
Summary: In which Kurt and Dave talk about the girls they would date...if they were straight, of course.


"Rachel."

"Rachel," Kurt repeated. "Rachel. You would date Rachel if you weren't gay."

"The word Rachel was just said too many times for me to comprehend where this conversation is going," Dave said yawning, stretching as he turned to face Kurt on the other side of the bed.

"No, but seriously."

"Yeah, I'd date her. Why not? She's cute, she's small, and she has the biggest smile I have ever seen. Minus Sam's, of course."

"Oh my Gosh, David, I can't imagine you and Rachel together. I just can't."

"Fine, who would you date then?" Dave challenged.

"Quinn! She looks like a female version of me, all 'delicate' and what not," Kurt said, moving his hands around. "I'd probably make out with her even without being straight."

"You would make out with Fabray, even while you're gay," Dave said slowly, staring at Kurt.

"Uh, yeah? She's gorgeous," Kurt said as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

Dave just stared at him, a puzzled look on his face.

"How do you like Rachel if you're attracted to me, anyway?" Kurt said. "We look absolutely nothing alike!"

"Yeah, that's because one of you has a dick and the other doesn't."

"David!" Kurt laughed, slapping him with a throw pillow. "Language!"

"It's true though!"

"You know what I mean! Avoiding the obvious blaring differences, we're nothing alike in looks!"

"Yeah well, this is hypothetical, remember? I don't exactly have a preference for girls, considering I'm gay," Dave said, accentuating the last word. "You told me to pick a girl, and I did! Berry seems like the easiest to handle, as long as you let her sing and talk, and feed her vegan food!"

"Yeah, but imagine how much talking would take place," Kurt said, thinking about it. "I mean, she's my best friend, but I can't imagine dating her."

"Yeah, well."

"So what about Brittany?" Kurt continued, genuinely interested in the topic he'd started up.

"Yeah, maybe. She'd be fun."

"Santana?"

"Definitely. But I think it would be more of a fling. One night kind of think, you know?"

"If she was straight, of course," Kurt said, grinning.

"Hah, yeah!" David chuckled.

"Quinn?"

"Nope. She's obviously very pretty, but a little psychotic. It would be a lot of work to put up with her and her mood swings. I've seen what she does to guys. I wouldn't want to get into that."

Kurt thought about what David said, and nodded in agreement. "Tina?"

"Same as Quinn. Don't think I've forgotten your story about My Funny Valentine!"

"Oh my Gosh, I completely forgot about that," Kurt said, laughing. "I think I would date Tina though," said Kurt, thinking about all the times he'd talked to her about sweater trends and fashion advice.

"Yeah?" asked Dave. "What about Sugar?"

"God no!" Kurt laughed. "I can't imagine listening to her singing in the shower every single morning."

"Come on, she's sweet!" Dave chuckled.

"Yeah, let's see you live with her!"

Dave laughed. "What about you? Would you date Mercedes?"

"No, I don't think we'd work as a couple. Just fabulous best friends! I'd always compete to be wearing the best clothes in the relationship."

"I can see that happening."

"Would you? Date her, I mean?"

"Nah, Azimio has had his eye on her for a while; I could never steal her away. Too much competition!"

"Aren't you sweet," Kurt retorted, rolling his eyes as he poked Dave's shoulder.

Dave laughed, swatting away his finger and putting his arm around Kurt pulling him closer to his side of the bed, snuggling into his neck. "Anyone left?"

Kurt thought over all the names they'd discussed, and shook his head. "Nope, I think that's it for the girls."

"Great! Tomorrow we can do the guys."

"If we were straight?"

"No, dummy, if we were still gay."

"Somehow I think that conversation isn't going to be as fun."

"Jealous of other men getting my attention, fancy?"

"Oh shut up, I know you'd never leave me. I'm fabulous."

"That you are," Dave said, laughing as he reached over to shut the lamp off.

"Good night."

"Night, fancy."


End file.
